Chapter 13
Chapter 13: Maid of Honor
Ananya landed on a Thursday and called Meera from the taxi, before she'd even reached her own apartment, which was so entirely, recognizably Ananya that Meera felt something in her chest loosen and clench at the same time.
"I have been awake for thirty-one hours, I smell like recycled airplane air and betrayal, and I need you to come dress shopping with me on Saturday because Vikram's mother has Opinions and I cannot fight both of you at once, I need you on my side of the room." Ananya's voice had the specific brightness of someone running on adrenaline and jet lag in equal measure. "God, I've missed your face. Singapore was a nightmare, the deal closed, I have approximately four hundred stories, none of them interesting to anyone who isn't a lawyer. Tell me everything. Tell me what I missed."
Everything landed in Meera's chest like a stone dropped down a very deep well, the sound of it hitting bottom arriving a full second later than she expected.
"Not much," Meera said. "Client stuff. Ma's surgery went well, she's recovering."
"Oh thank god, I've been so out of it, I meant to call her — I will, I promise, first thing tomorrow. Saturday, then? Dress shopping? I need my maid of honor there, this is non-negotiable, I already told the bridal place there'd be three of us."
Meera closed her eyes. "Three?"
"Me, you, Vikram's mother. Should be a delightful combination of my taste, your taste, and a woman who thinks anything with a scooped back is, and I quote, 'too much skin for a Malhotra wedding.'" Ananya laughed, easy, unburdened, a woman who did not yet know that saying her fiancé's surname in that sentence would sit in Meera's stomach like a swallowed stone. "Ten a.m.? I'll send the address."
"Ten a.m.," Meera said, and meant it, the way she'd meant always seven years ago in a room above a stationery shop, the specific, splitting way a person can mean two entirely true things and have them cancel out somewhere in the chest.
The bridal boutique smelled like steamed silk and the particular cold of aggressive air-conditioning, racks of white and ivory and the occasional daring blush arranged by silhouette, a saleswoman named Deepa who had the calm, unbothered patience of someone who had talked forty brides through forty crises of confidence and considered it, at this point, closer to a spiritual practice than a job.
Vikram's mother arrived exactly on time, small and sharp-eyed, with the specific, watchful energy of a woman assessing every seam for value. She air-kissed Meera's cheek — "Meera, beta, so good, it's been years, you look well" — and turned her full attention to Ananya with the particular intensity mothers reserve for a daughter-in-law they have decided, provisionally, to love.
Meera sat in the velvet chair positioned for exactly this purpose, water glass sweating on the side table, and did the thing she had spent the last two weeks teaching herself, deliberately, with the same discipline she'd once used to talk herself into a client's underpriced invoice: she made herself useful. Not performative-useful, not the old machinery running on autopilot. Actually useful, actually present, because somewhere in the space between her mother's hand closing over hers and this velvet chair, Meera had made a decision she hadn't fully named out loud even to herself, and the decision was this: she was not going to let what happened with Vikram cost her Ananya. Not silently, not by attrition, not by disappearing from rooms like this one until the friendship thinned to nothing and nobody had to say why.
"That one," she said, when Ananya came out in the fourth dress, a column of ivory silk with a back that would have given Vikram's mother a genuine medical event. "Turn around."
Ananya turned. The dress moved with her, not against her, the fabric falling the way water falls, and something in Ananya's face changed in the mirror — not the practiced delight of the last three dresses, something quieter and more real.
"This is it," Ananya said, quiet, mostly to herself. "Oh no. This is actually it."
"It's beautiful on you," Meera said, and it was true, unbearably true, and she said it anyway, clearly, without the old cushioning, because Ananya deserved the actual sentence and not a softened version built to protect Meera from having to say it with her whole chest.
Vikram's mother made a small, strangled sound about the back. "It's very modern."
"It's the one, Auntie," Meera said, gently, meeting the older woman's eyes in the mirror. "You'll see her walk in it and you won't think about the back at all."
Something passed between Meera and Deepa, an unspoken professional alliance, and Vikram's mother, outvoted, subsided into muttering about a shawl for the ceremony portion, which everyone agreed to immediately as a face-saving compromise.
Ananya caught Meera's eye in the mirror while the seamstress pinned the hem, and mouthed, silently, thank you, and Meera smiled back, the smile costing her more than anyone in the room would ever know, and thought: this. This is the thing I get to keep. Whatever else happens, I get to keep being the person who tells her the dress is the one.
The menu tasting was worse, because Vikram was there.
He arrived eleven minutes late to the private room at the restaurant, apologizing about traffic on Hosur Road, and the sight of him in the doorway — ordinary blue shirt, hair slightly damp from what she guessed was a shower after a workout, the same scar through his eyebrow she'd catalogued a dozen times over a dozen years — did something to her stomach that she'd gotten better, in two weeks, at not showing on her face. He caught her eye for exactly as long as was safe, no longer, a fraction of a second that contained an entire silent conversation neither of them would ever transcribe, and then he sat beside Ananya, and put his arm along the back of her chair, and asked the waiter, with genuine interest, whether the paneer tikka came in a less spicy version for his mother.
They tasted eleven dishes across two hours. Meera gave real opinions — the mutton was too heavy for a summer wedding, the dal needed to be the one from the second kitchen not the first, the dessert course needed one thing that wasn't overtly sweet to cut the rest — and watched Ananya defer to her on half of them, watched Vikram nod along, watched the three of them function, for two hours, as something that almost, almost resembled the group they'd once been before any of this happened, before a printer room seven years ago and a kitchen table two weeks ago had quietly rearranged the entire architecture of what this triangle actually was.
"You're being very generous with your time," Vikram said, low, when Ananya stepped out to take a work call and the two of them were left alone at the table with eleven half-eaten plates between them. It wasn't a question. It sounded, if anything, like an apology he didn't know how to finish.
"I'm not doing it for you," Meera said, and meant it as plainly as she'd meant the dress. "I'm doing it because she asked her best friend to help plan her wedding, and I am her best friend, and I'm not going to let what happened make me smaller in her life than I already am. That's not a kindness to you. Don't mistake it for one."
Something in his face flickered — respect, maybe, or its close cousin, a kind of chastened recognition. "Okay," he said. "Noted."
"How's the taper going," he asked instead, professional again, safe ground, and she let him have it.
"Almost done. Two doses left." She looked at the water ring her glass had left on the white tablecloth, a small imperfect circle, and thought about how much simpler this would all be if she could log this moment the way she used to log everything for Dr. Kapoor's app — sat across from him for two hours, gave real opinions on wedding food, did not say the thing I actually wanted to say, no headache, because there was nothing left in me right now that wanted to say it out loud in this particular room. Just the plain, unglamorous fact of choosing, again, to hold the line. Not out of fear. Out of something steadier than fear, something that had her mother's hand in it, and Ananya's face in the mirror, and a version of herself she was, slowly, unglamorously, trying to become worthy of.
Ananya came back to the table, phone still in hand, already talking. "Sorry, sorry, work never ends. Okay — verdict, everyone. Second kitchen's dal, yes?"
"Second kitchen's dal," Meera and Vikram said at the same moment, and Ananya laughed, delighted, oblivious, reaching for both their hands across the table the way she'd reached for Meera's alone seven years ago in a room above a stationery shop. "God, I love that you two get along so well. Half my friends can't stand their partner's other friends. I got lucky."
Meera held her water glass very still and said, "You did," and did not let her voice shake, and thought that this — sitting here, saying true things that cost her everything and gave nothing back — might be the hardest work she had ever done, harder than any invoice, harder than any client call, and also, in some way she was only beginning to understand, the first entirely honest thing she had done for Ananya in seven years.
Enjoying this story?
Continue reading by creating a free account.